On rare occasions I’m accused of being just a little arrogant.
(Pauses for sounds of shocked disbelief).
Some people labour under the misapprehension that I’m incapable of seeing anyone’s point of view but my own, that I will generally respond to the assertion that it’s not possible for an opinion to be wrong with “Of course an opinion can be wrong. You’re in the process of proving it. Besides, if you held the opinion that gravity had stopped working and the moment you step ouside the door you’re going to float up to the ionosphere, that’s empirically and certifiably wrong. Stop wasting my time with this wishy-washy, well-on-the-other-hand, everyone’s-opinion-is-worth-the-same, walk-a-mile-in-the-other-fellow’s-shoes, being-right-isn’t-the-be-all-and-end-all claptrap.”
In reality, this is only true ninety, maybe ninety-five percent of the time tops.
Obviously most of the time only a fool or a lunatic would disagree with my position – that anyone who can hear Higher And Higher by Jackie Wilson without smiling needs to be removed from the gene pool for the benefit of future generations for example, or that Jeff Sinclair was a far superior commander of Babylon 5 than Smilin’ John Sheridan. However, there are many, many (actually, not that many) subjects that I’m perfectly willing to entertain the possibility that my stated position could potentially be wrong and the rest of the world might be right.
For reference, please find below a full and complete listing of those opinions that may under the correct circumstances be negotiable:
- Seinfeld isn’t funny.
- The three best films directed by a Scott brother are, in order, Blade Runner, Top Gun, and Alien.
- Gladiator is at least an hour too long.
- The Lord Of The Rings trilogy is at least four hours too long.
- Street Fighter II is boring.
- And so is Halo 3.
- Deep Space Nine wasn’t that bad. Certainly better than Next Gen.
- Johnny Mnemonic is better than the last two Matrix movies.
- Poison’s “Flesh & Blood” is one of the five best albums of the eighties.
- Teen Wolf has one of the five best final scenes in cinema history.
- Kebab pizza is lush.
- It’s A Wonderful Life, but it’s a rubbish film.
- Led Zeppelin’s music is by and large ponderous, self-indulgent tosh.
- Battlestar Galactica is filled with hateful characters and takes itself way too seriously.
- Independence Day is filled with awesome characters and takes itself not even slightly seriously.
- Playing king-three suited is lucky.
- The Pylea story arc at the end of Angel’s second series was terrific fun.
- Supporting more than one football team after the age of 9 is an indicator of weak moral character.
- Rocky III is the best film in the series.
- Empire Strikes Back is the worst film in the series, if you take the natural and sensible position that Episodes 1-3 didn’t happen.
Obviously, should you hold a dissenting position on any subject not covered above then I regret to inform you that you’re completely incorrect and should adjust your thought processes accordingly.
You’re welcome.
