More fun from BEtEO, this time via Twitter and The Internet’s Famous Richard Gaywood – the collision of great literature and base commerce. It’ll come as no suprise to some that this is an idea I’ve not been able to leave alone since it crossed my path. My best efforts to date:
“And on the pedestal these words appear:
”My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Next time, use Ronseal Double-Action Wood Preserver.”
“To imagine the future, imagine a boot smashing into a human face forever. Ooh, nice boots! http://www.clarks.com.”
“This is not just a liquor never brewed,
From tankards scooped in pearl;
This is M&S liquor.”
“The barge, like a burnished throne burned on the water; the poop was beaten gold, purple the sales and so perfumed that the wind was lovesick with them. Then it hits you – this is way more than a cruise! Royal Caribbean International.”
“Beauty is truth, truth beauty – that is all
Ye know on Earth, and all ye need to know.
Maybe she’s born with it – maybe it’s Maybelline.”
“It seemed to be a sort of monster, or symbol representing a monster, of a form which only a diseased fancy could conceive. If I say that my somewhat extravagant imagination yielded simultaneous pictures of an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature, I shall not be unfaithful to the spirit of the thing. A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque and scaly body with rudimentary wings; but it was the general outline of the whole which made it most shockingly frightful. Talk to Frank.”
“I grow old! I grow old!
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled!
Unless I take advantage the great menswear bargains available in the BHS winter sale.”
“So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
Visit Centre Parcs – for a British holiday the weather can’t spoil.”
“Because I could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for me
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We’d have been able to fit four kids and the family dog in as well if Death had been driving the new Vauxhall Zafira.”
Six links in your first sentence alone? You’re a madman! You’re out of control!
Yeah, I seem to have picked up a nasty dose of Dan Rutter’s Disease.
I <3 Dan Rutter. He’s my all-time web-writing hero.
[...] The sponsored literature thread brought up some good comedy posts too. Of particular merit were 4thDimension, Rodafowa – and again, and The Count of Six. And then Rodafowa wrote even more of these on his blog. [...]
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
Great prices for trade and DIY at B&Q Depot, for all your building needs.
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils;
Men can’t help acting on Impulse
Through every nook and every cranny
The wind blew in on poor old Granny
Around her knees, into each ear
(And up nose as well, I fear)
She should have fitted Everest
You’ve seen the rest, now fit the best.
Well played, sir. Well played.
There is a thorn,
it looks so old,
In truth you’d find it hard to say,
How it could ever have been young,
It looks so old and grey.
Not higher than a two year’s child,
It stands erect this aged thorn;
If erection last longer than four hours
consult your Doctor immediately.